Mothers Day 2011
Mother’s Day. This
has long been a weighty – and usually painful -- holiday for me, and I know it
is for some of you. I approach this
topic with a prayer in my heart that I will share the things the Lord would
have me share.
When the Bishop asked me to speak, he gave me the topic
of how being a mother has helped me understand Heavenly Father’s love for his
children or how being a mother has helped me draw closer to my Father in
Heaven. He asked me to speak from
personal experience. He suggested that I
draw on not only experiences that I have had with my son, but also experiences
that I had before he arrived. That made
me think.
Before my son was born, as I sat in Mother’s Day meetings
and General Relief Society Meetings where they would talk about all women being
mothers and all women contributing as nurturers, I didn’t buy it. I appreciated the kindness of those wanting
to be inclusive, but in my heart I didn’t feel included.
Regrettably, I spent many a sad or numb Mother’s
Day. Rick and I got married at ages that
would be considered “later” in our LDS culture.
So I spent many a Mother’s Day wishing for an eternal companion with
whom I could build a family. After we
got married, we hoped that children would soon follow. As many of you know, I spent at least a dozen
more Mother’s Days hoping that “next year” we might be blessed with a child.
As you know, I am now married, and we have been blessed
with a wonderful little boy who brings us more joy than I could have ever imagined. And my whole world has changed. I have learned some things after receiving
this long desired blessing that I wish I had opened my heart to receive
before. These things have helped me
understand how much our Heavenly Father loves us each, and how doing the work
of mothering – whether we are raising children or not -- draws us closer to
Him.
Today I would like to share with you four things that I
have learned on this journey:
The
first thing I have learned is about the role of a mother.
I have learned that being a
mother means engaging in doing the Lord’s work – serving, nurturing, teaching,
loving, and pointing our Father in Heaven’s children to Christ.
When my son was born, I wanted to understand my role and
the things that Heavenly Father expected of me as He entrusted His precious
child to my care. As I sought that
direction, I felt very profoundly the importance of teaching him the gospel, giving
him opportunities to feel the Spirit and exercise his faith. I have made a study of the things that the
scriptures direct are a parent’s responsibility to teach. Using Doctrine & Covenants 68:25-28 as my
outline, I have studied faith, repentance, baptism, the Gift of the Holy Ghost,
and I try to teach by example and instruction how to pray.
William Law, an eighteenth-century clergyman, said:
"If you have not chosen the Kingdom of God first, it will in the end make
no difference what you have chosen instead." My personal belief about motherhood is that
“If I haven’t taught him about the Kingdom of God first, it will in the end
make no difference what I have taught him instead.”
As I’ve prayed and pondered about my role as a mother and
as I have prepared for this talk the scripture that has come to me again and
again is Moses 1:39 “For behold, this is my awork and
my bglory—to
bring to pass the cimmortality and
deternal elife of
man.” This is the work of our Heavenly
Father, this is the work of Jesus Christ, and this is the work that they ask us
to do.
Being a mother isn’t about preschool, music lessons, and
soccer schedules – though all of those things have their place and can add to
enjoying the life we are given. To me, at its core, mothering is about
partnering with our Heavenly Father to do His work.
The
work of bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. That is the work.
The interesting thing that I have learned as I have
become so passionate about engaging in this work with my little boy, is that
this is the work that I have been called to do since I entered the waters of
baptism and made covenants with the Lord over 30 years ago. Those who raise children do not have a corner
on these responsibilities and opportunities.
It is also
interesting to me that childhood is so fleeting. I know my little boy is only two,
but these two years have flown by. I clearly understand the admonitions
of all the parents who have counseled us to enjoy every moment because it goes
so quickly. I know it will seem like only a few days from now when he is gone
and building a family of his own. In those days, my Heavenly Father
will still have work for me to do.
The
second thing I have learned is that mothering is not a matter of biology, it is
a matter of loving, serving and teaching.
As we went through the different fertility treatments and
learned about the options available to us, I came to some realizations:
1 – If we were unable to conceive and decided to adopt
eggs or embryos, I would still love and nurture that child. I would still be a mother.
2 – If we could conceive but we needed someone else to
carry our child, I would still love and nurture that child. I would still be a mother.
3 - If we were unable to conceive and decided to adopt a
child, I would still love and nurture that child. I would still be a mother.
After realizing the role and work of mothering is not
specific to biology, and after receiving such a strong testimony of the fact
that being a mother is partnering with Heavenly Father to do all I can to help
him “bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man” I do have a new
understanding of being a mother and mothering.
I have found that even with my own child, my love for him
and my bond with him increases as I serve him.
During times of illness or busyness with my work, when Rick has taken
over many of the daily responsibilities of waking, feeding, changing diapers, etc,
the connection I have felt with my son has lessened. During those times, I have missed being able
to serve him in those temporal ways. I
have come to believe that mother love is a product of service, not the other
way around. Mothering a small child
provides opportunities to serve all of your waking hours and many hours when
you wish you were not awake. It is
through this service and sacrifice that I have received a greater understanding
of Heavenly Father’s love for us.
As I engage in this eternal work now, with my son, I can
feel how much my Heavenly Father loves him.
Interestingly, it has solidified what I have heard taught over the
pulpit in conference many times…that as we serve others we come to love them
and understand how much the Lord loves them.
As I serve, I have a greater understanding of how much Heavenly Father
loves my Primary children, how much He loves the sisters that I am called to
visit teach, and how much He loves my friends who are investigating this Church,
and how much he loves others that I have opportunity to serve outside of formal
callings. I have such a great desire to
share that love and teach about Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father’s Plan of
Happiness. While my little boy was a
catalyst for this increased understanding, I believe that I didn’t receive this
understanding just because he arrived.
Rather, because he arrived, I became more engaged in the work. Doing the Lord’s work on a full-time basis
increased my understanding.
The
third thing I have learned is that all women are called to this work.
As I attended the temple this week, I was reminded of the
scripture found in Moses 4:26 which reads:
“And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all
living.” Eve received her name before
they left the Garden of Eden. Neither
the scripture in Moses nor the corresponding scripture in Genesis say she was
called Eve because she would be the
mother of all living. They both say she
was called Eve because she was the
mother of all living. This was part of
what Eve was foreordained to do. Just as
it is part of what all righteous women are foreordained to do. Eve was “the mother of all living” long
before she bore a child. I was asked to
partner with Heavenly Father and to do His work long before my little boy
arrived.
Somehow being called to the work with my son has helped
me to realize that I was always called, just not in the way that I had in
mind.
I’d like to share an example of a wonderful woman named
Mary Susan, who did the Lord’s work in helping me through a difficult time in
my life. In the midst of a terrible
challenge that shook me to the core, I moved back into my family’s home. I remember that it was a struggle just to
attend to the daily tasks that sustain life.
I don’t remember, but I don’t think that Mary Susan was my visiting
teacher. I do remember, however, that
she regularly found reasons to stop by and share scriptures with me. She regularly initiated gospel discussions in
a loving way. I had earlier taken a
quilting class from her and enjoyed it.
She engaged me in a quilting project to design a quilt with gospel
symbolism revolving around the Savior and having an eye single to the glory of
God. She invited me to ride along with
her to the grocery store to give me an opportunity to get out of the house and
talk with someone. She comforted me,
bore my burdens, and consistently pointed me to the Savior – the only one who
could truly heal my broken heart. She
did have six small children of her own. She
wasn’t old enough to be my mother, and yet she took the time to mother me. I am eternally grateful to her for helping me
through that period of my life.
I was a visiting teacher before my son was born. I held callings in which I was able to engage
in the Lord’s work and help others. I
did seek to actively do all that I could to serve. Looking back now, I recognize that I didn’t
always feel the same passion and joy that I feel in doing it today because I
was more worried about the opportunities I’d not yet received than the
opportunities that were mine at the moment.
Heavenly Father loved the people I was called to serve
then just as much as He loves my little boy.
Since gaining a greater understanding of His work, I feel more joy in
all of my stewardships and opportunities.
As those whom I teach in Primary and visit teach can attest, it doesn’t
mean I am perfect in fulfilling my responsibilities, but my improved
perspective makes it possible for me to receive more of the blessings and joys
that come from doing the Lord’s work.
They were always there to be had, but now my heart is more prepared to
receive the gifts.
The
fourth thing I have learned may seem obvious, but it is that we cannot do the
Lord’s work without the help of Heaven.
I have known that Rick and I cannot help our son fulfill
his earthly mission without the help of heaven. My understanding of my inadequacies
frequently drives me to my knees to seek help and guidance.
Years ago, in Salt Lake City, Rick and I attended a
fireside at the tabernacle where Elder M. Russell Ballard spoke. He described a process that many of you might
find familiar where spirituality ebbs and flows. I believe he used this hand motion
(waves). He described that so many of us
have up days and down days and that our communication and relationship with
heaven is not a constant. I quickly
identified with that scenario. He
interjected that as an Apostle he couldn’t afford to have down days…too many
people were depending on him. At the
time I recognized that it would be a lot of responsibility and was grateful
that with all my imperfections I didn’t have that many people relying on me.
In Relief Society several years ago, a sister in my ward
shared a story about her daughter. My
friend was taking her infant daughter in for an immunization. As she discussed the immunization with the
doctor, she didn’t have a good feeling about it and shared that with the
doctor. The doctor knew my friend well
and told her to go home and think about it and schedule another
appointment. This little girl is my
friend’s youngest child, not her first. My
friend believes strongly in the benefits of immunizing and her other children
had all been immunized. She took her baby home and scheduled an
appointment for another day. She
discussed her feelings with the doctor and they made a plan for how to proceed
with the vaccines. The doctor left the
room and the nurse came in to administer the next vaccine. As the nurse approached with the vial, this
mother got a really bad feeling and ran away from the nurse and told her not to
touch the baby. The doctor returned to
the room and examined the vial. It was
then that he recognized that the nurse had accidentally drawn the wrong
vaccine. They later learned that her
little girl had an allergy to something that was in that particular vaccine and
had it been administered at that tender young age, it probably would have taken
her life. When I heard that story, I
thought “Wow! What if my friend had not
been able to hear and feel the whisperings of the Spirit that day?” I concluded that as a mother I could not afford
to have any down days either – my child would be depending on me.
I wish I could report that I have learned how to
successfully accomplish that, but it is something that I strive for. I have found that as I actively seek to be
engaged in the Lord’s work, put my trust in Him, seek revelation, and act on
promptings received, I have a lot fewer down days.
What I wish I had realized earlier is that I could never
really afford them. When I am engaged in
the Lord’s work, there are always people depending on me.
I have taken strength from the words of Julie B. Beck
from the April 2010 General Conference.
She spoke of seeking and acting upon personal revelation to do the work
our Father has sent us here to do. As
part of her conclusion she said: “When
we have done our very best, we may still experience disappointments, but we
will not be disappointed in ourselves.
We can feel certain that the Lord is pleased when we feel the Spirit working
through us. Peace, joy, and hope are
available to those who measure success properly.”
I
will conclude by telling you that …
If I could somehow travel back in time and instill the
understanding that I have gained into my 20-year old heart, I know I would still
have had hard days… but I would have spent less time weeping and more time
mothering. Less time numbly going
through the motions and more time reaching out to others to love and
nurture. Less time thinking about myself
and my problems, and more time sharing truths about faith, repentance, baptism
and the Gift of the Holy Ghost. Less
time feeling “not included” and more time Building the Kingdom of God.
I believe that doing the Lord’s work in any sphere, if we
do it with all of our heart, will bring us blessings and happiness beyond our
ability to comprehend. Just like the
promise of tithing, I believe that if we engage in the Lord’s work the windows
of heaven will be opened to us and there will not be room enough to receive the
blessings.
I believe that the fundamentals of this work of mothering
are putting our hand in the Lord’s hand and doing His work. Whether we are currently engaged in raising
children or not, as Eve’s daughters -- as mothers – lets embrace whatever phase of mothering we are
in today. The challenge for each of us
is to completely and passionately engage in the work that we are called to do
at this time, whether it is nurturing those in our nuclear family, our ward
family, or those in our circle of friends and acquaintances. Heavenly Father loves all of His children,
and He needs each of us to engage in the work we are called to do today in
order for him to fulfill His purpose of bringing to pass the immortality and
eternal life of man.
When I am doing His work, I feel closer to my Heavenly
Father and I have a greater understanding of the love He has for each of us. I am grateful that my Heavenly Father loves
me enough to give me the challenges I have needed when I have needed them and
the blessings that I have needed when I have needed them – whether I agreed
with Him at the time or not. I love Him,
I love my Savior, and I love the gospel with all of my heart.
